• Ran into a pole in a hotel parking garage
• Sliced my hand so badly while opening a package that it required 6 stitches and a ride in an ambulance
• Slammed my thumb in the car door so hard that they needed to drill a hole in it to take the swelling down the next day
•  Ran into a parked car in a movie theater parking lot
• Dropped a 35-lb weight on my hand in gym class, broke two fingers
• Superglued two of my other fingers together while giving my friend a manicure
• Got my hair caught in an industrial fan; subsequently lost a nice chunk of hair
• Fell down the subway stairs, dislocated my shoulder
• While falling, kicked my foot into a pole, damaging two tendons and requiring 5 stiches, as well as another trip in an ambulance
• Slammed into an elderly woman on the slopes while snowboarding for the first time-my ankle was subsequently broken
• Ran into a parked car in the Big Barry's parking lot
• Found out (the hard way) that I didn't know how to use a hand truck while loading some heavy boxes; broke my nose and got two black eyes
• Found out (the hard way)that you shouldn't hold your arms out straight on the Gravitron; slapped myself in the face with a force 4x gravity; broke my nose, and my glasses, and got two black eyes
• Found out (the hard way) that you should never sit up quickly while in a loft bed; guess what happened!

-If you’re ever unsure who your real friends are, and don’t want to go through the hassle of ending up in the hospital to see who visits you, all you need to do is buy a piece of furniture from Ikea.  Seriously, nothing will highlight the fact that nobody wants to even think of being around you all that much more than mentioning to someone that you just got something from Ikea.   Because really, all they’re thinking is “oh shit, don’t ask me to help out it together.  Please, oh shit, don’t ask me to put it together”. You could be on the phone with someone, long distance, they’re 3000 miles away, and you’re still SOL.  All of a sudden the line starts to go static-y, the person on the other end is like “Ch0chhchhzhch—WHAT’S THAT?!  I CAN’T HEAR YOU, THERE’S A BAD CONNECTION-chnzzchchhhnzghhhh-DID YOU SAY YOU JUST FOUGHT A LESSER IN CRIMEA?-chmnnzchchhhch-MAN, THIS IS SO BAD, I’M JUST GONNA GO.  CATCH YOU LATER!  *click*.

-I’ve got vehicular Tourette’s.  Meaning, when someone in front of me is in the right hand lane at a red light, and decides to go straight, making me wait the whole light cycle just to turn, I can’t help but just blurt out things like “YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!”, even though my windows are up and I’m alone in my car.  One time, I even slapped my windshield.  I think I should go to meetings.

-It hasn’t rained here in 4 months, and that’s normal.

-WEAR SUNBLOCK.

-The food here sucks.  Seriously.  Unless you’re eating Mexican, or dropping a minimum of $30 per person on a meal, expect a positively mediocre experience.

-You want alfalfa sprouts on that sandwich?  No problem!

-The bums walk up to your car here, instead of just panhandling on pedestrian corners.  Because there are no pedestrians-everyone drives!

-The La Brea Tar Pits really aren’t exciting at all.

-Knott’s Berry Farm isn’t actually a farm.

-The Dodgers kiss cam does not ask you if you’re a couple before putting you up on the big screen and making you kiss in front of thousands of people, they just assume you’re together.  If you’re not?  Too bad, you are now!

-You can build bonfires on the beach!  At night!!!

-It’s really hard to call your mom before bedtime, since you get out of work at 6 and she goes to sleep at 9.

-Fog is grey; smog is brown.  Delicious, nutritious brown.

-Parking spaces are worth more than just about anything material you can think of.  And yes, that woman did just throw her baby in the street to distract you from the open parking space that she’s now pulling into.

• He had smelly feet
• He looked like Humpty Dumpty
• He was gay, just hadn't admitted it to himself yet
• I don't really know, I think I was fucked in head on this one
• I think he had head lice
• He had never eaten soup, or pie (and yes, this includes stews, and pot pies)
• He invited me to his fraternity formal, 4 years after he'd graduated college, and also, he took me to a mall in NJ for our first (and only) date.
• He had a curved (and I mean like a U) peen
• He had 2 children
• I was grounded all the time
• He was a little thing called "married"
• He told me that all of his lawyers and accountants are Jewish, because they're "good with money".
• He dumped me.  (Lame)
• I'm not a lesbian.
• I didn't feel like answering the phone whenever he called
• He reminded me of a serial killer
• He hadn't kissed me, after 9 "dates".  From then on, he was referred to as "Captain Kissless".
• He got back with his ex
• He got back with his ex (another guy)
• He got back with his ex (still another guy)
• I had cooties.  (To be fair, we were in kindergarten)
• I stopped finding him interesting
• He had no bellybutton, and honestly, this freaked me out.  Part of me still thinks he's an alien.
• Turns out, he wasn't actually an FBI Agent.
• He told me he let his last girlfriend do him in the butt, and I couldn't stop picturing it in my head.
• I was "too picky".  Right, whatever.

• AlienAdoptionAgency -it's a turn-based text game, but man-once you get into it, it's so addicting.  Join the game, and join my guild, the Red Guard!
• StumpleUpon-Seriously, it's the best Firefox extension ever.  Are you ever bored on the internet?  Does a bear shit in the woods?  StumbleUpon cures all that shit.
• EMusic-The best music downloading site there is-I pay $20 a month for 90 downloads.  You do the math. (22cents a song, you lazy bastard.)  Not only is it lightyears cheaper than iTunes, but the artists actually get a cut of what you pay.  So you're saving cheese, AND supporting the music you love.  A win-win situation!   (PS-The tracks work on every MP3 player, and you can burn them to CD, no problem.) Things I downloaded today:  Jets to Brazil, Minus the Bear, State Radio, Midlake, the Lawrence Arms, Park
• Job interviews-there's nothing like fantasizing about a new career, a new life.  Who doesn't love feeling wanted?  (Not to mention, it's an excuse to get all dressy.)
• Touching my hair-it's long, and it's soft.  Why the fuck wouldn't I want to touch it?
• Wearing skirts and heels-It's beautiful outside!  Man, I love early summer!
• L'Oreal Colour Juice in Golden Splash-Best lipgloss of the moment right now.  Not only does it smell amazing, but it makes my kisser look fantastic.  (Plus, I got it for free at Sundance-Free makes everything better!)
• Entourage-oh HBO, why oh why was OnDemand not working last night?  I need to know what happened on Sunday! 
• Making "missed connections" posts on Craigslist, whenever I see a hot guy checking me out on the train-what the heck, maybe one of them will be on CL one day, and there you go!
• Deciding where to go in August.  I'm due for a vacation-who wants to come with me?

x-posted from

sothisisdina

I had to make a list of "L" things that make me happy, and ended up doing this.  I loved it, so I think I might do some other letters of the alphabet for songs I love, too.  When I'm done, it'll be one sick playlist.

Here's L:

La Tortura, by Shakira and Alejandro Fernandez-This song came out way before "Hips don't lie", and is 100 times sexier.  Every time I hear it, I just want to strip down to my bra and dance around in fiery hottness.  Yum.
Last Night, Justin Timberlake-Another highly danceable tune.  Michael Jackson for modern day, with the Sexy turned up to 11.  My favorite room-cleaning anthem at the moment.
Le Disko, Shiny Toy Guns-Dancey awesomeness.  I actually stumbed o these guys because I was flipping through channels and they were on public access.  I was hooked ever since.  Great song.
La Vie Boheme, RENT-Best song of the whole play-Seasons of Love can suck it, this jam is so good.  Any song that can make the lines "To Sodomy/it's between /G-d and Me/To S &M!/La Vie Boheme! work is just genius on every side of the coin.
Let Go, Frou Frou-I know this song hit its peak like, 23425 years ago, but I still love it.  Great song.
Love Will Tear Us Apart, Joy Division-If you don't love this song, you are not human.
Let a Nigga Know, Saigon-I heard this song while watching Entourage, and I have no idea why, but I love it.  It's damn good.
Limo Wreck, Soundgarden-I LOVED Soundgarden.  LOVED THEM.  Like, I cried when I heard they broke up.  I used to listen to this song on the school bus and this I was the baddest ass motherfucker in the world.  Any song that can do that when you're still riding a SCHOOL BUS, you know-it's the shit.
Lady, Styx-I don't know why, I just do.  Shut the fuck up.
LoveSong, The Cure/311-This song is just all-around perfect in every way.  It's quite possibly the most perfect love song ever written, so they gave it the perfect title.  The Cure version, obviously as the original, gets mad props.  However, the 311 cover is definitely solid.  They give it this warmth that just, I don't know.  It makes you wish you were lying in bed wrapped up in someone you just couldn't live without.  When a song hits you like that, it's just amazing.

• My feet don't reach the floor when I'm sitting on the toilet
• Slobodan Milosevic
• Homeless people saying crazy incoherent things on the train, yelling at people who aren't there
• People getting hit in the face
• Car salesmen
• People who wear Hummer brand cologne
• Paris Hilton
• Paris HIlton fans
• People who sleep with Paris Hilton
• Anna Nicole having died with a sore on her ass from "repeated injections"
• Sexaholics Anonymous
• Weekend Warriors
• People stealing other people's babies
• Adult diapers
• Ebonics (when used in situations like job interviews, and eulogies)
• That video on YouTube with the nunchuk dude who falls
• Hipster parents who dress their kids in punk rock clothes
• Getting upset about something that happened 7 years ago, only because you just found out about it
• Splitting a pair of pants (really, I've done it twice)
• My mother saying "You go, girlfriend!", to her students
• My mother, when driving past a horse farm, referring to a young colt as a "skinny legged motherfucker"
• My mother, in general

• Istanbul/Constantinople
• New York/New Amsterdam
• Thailand/Siam
• Sri Lanka/Ceylon
• Iran/Persia
• Boznia,Herzegovina, Serbia, Macedonia, Montenegro, Croatia/Yugoslavia
• Zimbabwe/Rhodesia
• Ghana/Gold Coast
• Equatorial Guinea/Spanish Guinea
• Burkina Faso/Upper Volta
• Democratic Republic of the Congo/Zaire
• Volgograd/Stalingrad
• St. Petersburg/Petrograd, Leningrad
• Taiwan/Formosa
• Cambodia/Kampuchea
• Tanzania/Tanganyika
• Turkey/Ottoman Empire
• Ethiopia/Eritrea, Abyssinia
• Myanmar/Burma
• Beijing/Peking

Any others you can think of?  Let me know!  (I left off most all of the USSR and stuff, just cause I think that's a bit different than a name just simply being changed.  Also, I left off thinks like the adding or dropping of a "People's Republic", because I don't count that either.)

• [Unknown LJ tag]

• Los Angeles, for the Independent Spirit Awards/Oscars, and the Daytime Emmy's.  (March/April 2006)
• Miami, to visit my Latin client base.  (May 2006)
• Toronto, for the MuchMusic Video Awards (June 2006)
• Las Vegas, on vacation, but with a sick deal on a hotel courtesy of our Vegas office.  (July 2006)
• Park City, Utah, for the plethora of gift suites at Sundance.  (January 2007)

More, TBD.

Since that list was small, here's another:

Celebrities I have met/stood next to and/or touched, thanks to my job:

• Henry Rollins
• Lisa Kurdow
• Julie Delpy
• Maggie Gyllenhaal
• Peter Sarsgaard
• Willem DaFoe
• Kevin Smith
• Barbara Walters
• Rachael Ray
• Chandra Wilson
• Susan Lucci
• Lisa Rinna
• Will Arnett
• Andy Samberg
• Amy Poehler
• John Strasinski
• The dudez from Death Cab

• Vacuum the cat


• Go on dates


• Move


• Change long-distance providers


• Get promoted


• Go to the emergency room


• Get into fistfights


• Fall down flights of stairs


• Scrub the toilet


• Gain 5 pounds


• Plan cross-country trips


• Change the oil in my car


• Give some guy on the train my number


• Post in my other LJ, the one that sucks, and actually isn't funny.

(Give me ideas for new lists, and I promise I'll update more often!)

• Bai Ling-Not only does she show nipple at every fucking event and dressed like an escaped slut convict from PrisonGangbang 6, but there's NO REASON for this chick to be famous.  She's in like, 1 movie, and shows up to every event under the sun.  I mean, she sucks, and most of mainstream America has no idea who she is, and yet we have 5601 images of her.  That's more than the amount we have of fucking Britney!  Speaking of...
• Britney Spearsderline-First of all, Honey, what the hell happened to you?  You used to be so...cute, and sexy, and now you're just gross.  Yes, I said Gross.  Gross!  Not to mention that herion-addict husband of yours.  I mean, I have to admit, in the beginning, I liked you.  I even karaoke'd to Slave 4 U.  But honey, come on.  You seriously went from trailer park to America's Sweetheart to trailer park.  You even married within the same league.  You don't deserve your fame.  Oh yeah, and you're GROSS!
• Jonathan Lipnicki-Or should I say...Eminem's MiniMe?  Not only were you ALWAYS annoying (sorry, in Jerry Maguire, I definitely wanted to smother you with a pillow), but now you've turned into Lance Bass' midget cousin.  I can't take this.
• Jennifer Aniston-I'm sorry.  You refuse anything to Brad Pitt, you're on this list.
• Paris Hilton-You'll have to remind me again.  Why exactly do you deserve to be famous and filthy rich?  Oh, yeah.  You're a dumb slut.  I really don't know any self respecting girl would would be moved to pull down her skimpy skirt were Pauly Shore touching her.  Really, you are the worst kind of famous.
• Lindsay Lohan-You?  You used to be great.  I liked you in Mean Girls, and even Freaky Friday.  But what's going on?  The nipple slips, and the bulimia, it's really out of hand.  Seriously, you need to go home and have a pint of hagen dazs while watching tv, maybe read a book, and go to bed by 10.  Really.  I know you're famous, and I know you dated that not-really-famous guy who kinda sorta broke your heart, but that doesn't mean you have to go out every night, dye your hair blond, and binge and purge yourself to death.  It's not cute, and you're not cute.
• Ashlee Simpson-The only thing you make me wanna do is choke you.  And maybe throw up or something.  Your entrie career is just another perfect example of why nepotism was never a good idea.  (GWB is of course, another.)
• JLOaf-Aside from the fact that every movie you've ever done has completely stunk.  And the fact that you went from  P Diddy, to affleck, to fucking beef jerky-i'm sorry, I mean Marc Anthony.  And aside from the fact that your butt isn't really all that great considering you had to get BUTT IMPLANTS for it to be that way.  Really, just want were you thinking here?  That a small strip of black tape is going to cover the GIGANTIC fuck on your shirt?  It obviously dosn't cover it, and I mean, it's the whole shirt.  If you didn't want that word to show, why didn't you just wear a different shirt?  It's not like you are broke and that's the only shirt you have.  And your hair?  Is this the new I just flew in from LA, and no-really-I just flew in!  It's the air-blown look!  You like it?  Oh, and J-Slow?  Your new song sucks.  That whiny trumpet or whatever it is makes me want to rip the radio out of my dash.

• I am implicated in a lawsuit, brought on by an A-List celebrity.
• Someone refers to me as Operative Dina, in all seriousness.
• I am moving to New York City, fully independent.
• I have an awesome job, one that I enjoy, and it pays well.
• I highly doubt that I'm ever going to finish college.
• All the cool kids are moving to Virginia.  As in the state.
• I like being short.
• Orange is no longer my favorite color.
• I wish I hadn't dyed my hair.
• I am carrying an ounce of gold in my purse.  I put it in there a week ago, and completely forgot about it. 
• I really wish I hadn't missed last week's episode of The Bachelor.
• I turned down the perfect apartment because the potential roommate was fat.
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are together.  As in are a couple.  And have been, according to a publicist, "for a while".

• One gross (144) cocktail umbrellas (Bought, $3.99)
• One (probably fake) Christian Dior hardcore wallet, pink (Bought, $36.99)
• Special Edition DVD, Hoosiers (Bought, $11.99)
• Coheed and Cambria comic, issue #1 (Sold, $75.00)
• Wall-sized Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind poster (Bought, $5.00)
• Color booklet advertising 1939 Pymouth Coupe (Bought, $2.99)
• Right side-view mirror for 1996 Taurus, silver (Bought, $19.00)
• Snowman ceramic candle stand (Sold, $8.54)
• Business Law and Ethics textbook, hardcover (Sold, $38.76)
• Thursday "Full Collapse" CD, unopened (Bought, $1.25)
• Ipod "in-ear" headphones (Bought, $7.00)
• STX Warrior Women's Lacrosse stick, used (Sold, $27.00)
• Black Jimmy Choo strappy heels, new (Bought, $245.00)
• "It Don't Mean a Thing, If It Ain't Got That Swing" advanced instructional video (Bought, $4.75)
• Red Swingline stapler (Sold, $12.50)
• One Spuds Mackenzie plastic mug, stuffed plush toy, and illustrated pin (Bought, $3.75)
• One (half) Turkey Sandwich, on white, lettuce, Swiss, mayo and mustard (Sold, $6.34)

• There are absolutely no holidays today
• http://www.google.com/googlegulp/
• www.collegehumor.com
• It's a Friday
• Sin City opens today
• My mom's coming out to do lunch with me
• Villacci called me from Rome
• Day after payday
• I made my sales target for March, and I can coast for the next 2 weeks
• I've got a new laptop coming for me in the mail
• It used to be New Year's Day today
• My boss told me that my promotion comes with use of the company Mercedes
• I just found out I'm pregnant